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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 08:00
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The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
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When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
It\'s not that I\'m afraid to die, I just don\'t want to be there when it happens.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ? and better tools.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
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It\'s not that I\'m afraid to die, I just don\'t want to be there when it happens.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
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Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
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A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
You\'re about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
A man can\'t get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn\'t over until everyone gets their cookies.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
It\'s wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Heav\'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn\'d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn\'d.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don\'t think.
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A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
Barab?si\'s Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ? whether it is correct or not.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don\'t need.
Love is the answer - but while you\'re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Once you\'ve written TBicycle, you never forget how.
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A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
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Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don\'t need to be done.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
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Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
If you haven\'t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
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We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
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The nice thing about egotists is that they don\'t talk about other people.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don\'t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I\'ll never know.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
My last cow just died, so I won\'t need your bull anymore.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn\'t go away.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn\'t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn\'t it.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Everywhere I go I\'m asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don\'t stifle enough of them.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called \'Ego\'.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren\'t, then I\'d be a teacher.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Don\'t be so humble - you are not that great.
Heav\'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn\'d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn\'d.
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Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
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A good sermon should be like a woman\'s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
If everything seems under control, you\'re just not going fast enough.
Throughout American history, the government has said we\'re in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It\'s a hoax.
Hanlon\'s Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I\'ll never know.
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
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A physicist is an atom\'s way of knowing about atoms.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it\'s more likely to be female.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
If you can\'t get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you\'d best teach it to dance.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
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In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
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I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
I\'m not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
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After I\'m dead I\'d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Everywhere I go I\'m asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don\'t stifle enough of them.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven\'t said enough.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
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The truth is more important than the facts.
I\'m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it.
Computer dating is fine, if you\'re a computer.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don\'t think.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
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The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I\'m not there, I go to work.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
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A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: \'Can I help, sir?\' \'No thanks,\' says the blind bloke. \'Just looking.\'
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Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
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